Who am I and why does it matter?

I didn’t heed the signs or put the obvious two and two together. For years through the working day there was a feeling I describe as buzzyness my brain jumping from task to task to task ad nauseum without breaking. My brain so used to jumping that even at the end of the work day the pattern continues and my brain looks to keep checking emails and messages and the next thing that needs to be “done”. After somewhat of a break (usually dinner) the body would then crash - irritability and lethargy would set in.

My health suffered. I had problems with a number of ailments - lethargy and burn out and often needing to close down and to go to bed at 8pm, acid reflux, aerophagia (a ridiculous syndrome whereby I was excessively and repetitively air swallowing - thanks subconscious mind!), burning mouth syndrome. I went to Doctors and specialists over the years to talk about these physical issues in my body but lacked the appreciation of how these could occur just through stress and lifestyle - “they can’t all be in my head”, “I’ve got real physical issues” I would tell myself. Only recently have I learnt how the mental can have such a large impact on the physical - they are one and the same. The effects of an overactive and out of control threat response to stressors, the body being flooded with adrenaline and cortisol.

The Second Bit - Evaluation, Action, Calibration and Transformation!

I took a deep dive into who I really was away from familial and societal expectations. I worked with a coach and CBT therapist to figure out what my values are, I learnt that I had been pre-programmed with a set of rules some of which served me and some of which didn't. I recognised myself as a human being not a human “doing”. I recognised I was a people pleaser, a chameleon, trying to bend to everyone else's will. I learnt that my thoughts are not me and that I have a choice. I learnt to understand the link between thoughts, feeling and behaviours and to listen less to my own anxiety.

I made a plan to prioritise things in my life that I cared about and to destress. Stepping back from the 9-5 5/7 day a week working lifestyle. No more autopilot, no more conveyor belt or hamster wheel [insert metaphor here].I became intentional about my life. From a practical sense this meant taking a step back from my corporate career into a less stressful part time role. Going travelling and then moving to a remote part of Scotland surrounded by beautiful nature, mountains and trees and a slower pace of life. 

This process had lots of challenges. Fears around what others would make of my choices, fear that I was doing the wrong thing that I was throwing away a “successful” career by taking a step back. 

But the other side has been worth all the ups and downs. My health concerns faded away as if by magic and my mood and energy improved. Once I found my calling to help people who are going through similar stressful and existential strife through coaching I had a new found purpose, a north star. My life isnt perfect but it's certainly a lot more fun,lighter and more enjoyable than before.